The Key to Being a Friend of Jesus’

Picture day in elementary school was special. We dressed up in our nicest clothes and tried to remain unmussed until the time our class was called to the gym to have our yearly photographs taken. Then for the next several weeks, we waited eagerly for our photos to arrive so we could swap our 1” x 2” smiling faces.

We each also got a small red spiral-bound memory book. It contained pages on which to attach pictures of our teacher and friends as well as blank pages for collecting autographs, poems, and memories from our classmates.

I remember having a difficult time deciding whose picture to attach to one particular page. Was it Angie…or Wanda? I had known Angie since kindergarten. She lived exactly a block from me on a parallel street. Wanda lived on my street about the same distance away, which is why I had a problem. Which one lived closer? The page in my book asked for “My Closest Friend”—and I was always a stickler for getting things right.

When I enlisted Mom’s help, I learned a new definition for the word close. (After all, I was only a second grader.) With my new knowledge, I’m sure I must have Elmered Angie’s picture in without hesitation. I hadn’t known Wanda as long and hadn’t developed the bond I had with Angie.

Maybe picture day was such a big deal because it was so much about friendships. Friends are special. They aren’t friends because of how close they live to us, but because our hearts are close.

Here are just a handful of characteristics of a great friend.

A friend is loyal to you. “A friend loves at all times…” (Proverbs 17:17).

He may not always be physically present, but he is there for you in every season of your life. At the lowest times and for your most joyous days. When life is uncertain, hectic, mundane, and when your world seems to be falling in around you. He doesn’t disappear when the relationship is inconvenient. He may not have answers, but that isn’t what friendship is about. It’s about listening, crying, rejoicing, supporting, encouraging.

A friend will tell you the hard truth. “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6).

A friend will not flatter you, telling you what you want to hear. This verse says such a person is actually your enemy. We don’t need someone always focused on making us feel good. We need a friend who will be honest. When we have a blind spot, she will confront us (preferably graciously and lovingly). Her words may initially hurt, but we know they come from a caring heart. She can be trusted.  Eventually the pain will give way to comfort and well-being, and a deeper bond will have been forged. “…the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel” (Proverbs 27:9).

A friend is careful not to expose our faults. “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9).

A friend knows things about you others don’t, such as shameful activities in your past, a bad habit you are working to break, or something you said last week on a very bad day that you wish you hadn’t. But he doesn’t broadcast them to the world, or even whisper them to a mutual friend. That’s a sure way of putting a chasm between two friends. I heard a great illustration for “covering over an offense”: Each confidence you possess that could harm another person you should bury in a graveyard—and never dig up.

When a friend shows this kind of love, it leads to another characteristic.

Friends share confidences.

A friend can be trusted with our deepest thoughts. We won’t hesitate to share with a true friend our most private dreams, secrets, hopes, fears, doubts, or questions because we know she will handle each one as the treasure it is—a piece of our life that we don’t offer to just anyone.

These traits certainly describe Jesus. He is the best friend we can ever have.

But who does Jesus call “friend”?

In the Old Testament, two men were referred to as a friend of God. One was Moses. No one at that time had as close a relationship with God as he did. “The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend…” (Exodus 33:11). Abraham was also recognized as God’s friend. Jehoshaphat prayed, “O our God, did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend?” (2 Chronicles 20:7).

When we move into the New Testament, I find only one instance of Jesus calling a particular person a friend. He said to his disciples, “Our friend Lazarus…” (John 11:11). But don’t get discouraged. It’s about to get really good.

Jesus also said to his disciples, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).

Although the Greek word for servant “refers to a person who belongs to another and lives under his authority” [1], it was “used with the highest dignity in the NT—namely, of believers who willingly live under Christ’s authority as His devoted followers.” [2] It was not a negative term. In fact, Paul often referred to himself as “a servant of Christ Jesus” (Romans 1:1).

However, Jesus elevated the disciples’ status to friend, for “servants receive orders, friends receive confidences.” [1] “He had opened to them his mind; made known his plans; acquainted them with the design of his coming, his death, his resurrection, and ascension.” [3] He had just shared with them everything he had learned from his Father.

The disciples didn’t trade servanthood for friendship, though. Jesus was still their Master and Lord. Rather, “they were no ordinary servants, but taken into a state of dignity, favour, and familiarity, beyond that of servants…” [4]

In contrast to a servant, the definition of the Greek word philos is “a friend; someone dearly loved (prized) in a personal, intimate way; a trusted confidant, held dear in a close bond of personal affection.” [2] This is what Jesus considered his disciples of three years to be. Can we hope to be called his friend as well?

Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). He laid down his life on the cross for us. He wants us to be his friends. But his wanting it doesn’t automatically give us that title. In his next breath, he makes that clear. “You are my friends if you do what I command” (John 15:14).

The key to being called Jesus’ friend is obedience. Our obedience to Jesus’ commands is our response to his love for us. And it is evidence of our love for him.

Our obedience says, “Jesus, I want to be your friend.”

And to that Jesus replies, “You are my friend.”

Feature photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash

[1] Topical Lexicon      

[2] HELPS Word-studies    

[3] Barnes’ Notes on the Bible

[4] Matthew Poole’s Commentary                          

Commentary notes are from Bible Hub. See Resources.

Scripture quotations are from NIV.